I know what you're thinking.....this is really edgy material (drum snare sound).
Anyways.....Ah, the tooth fairy. I remember her well in my youth. She always left me a note under my pillow beside my tooth saying "to cash these in when dad wins the powerball".
It's hard when you learn the truth about this kind of stuff, you know? It sucks to learn that your parents conspired against you with the tooth fairy.
That's why I never want to lie to my children, so in our household. The tooth fairy is dead.
I will say that the tooth fairy is the most suspicious of the imaginary bunch.
We know Santa goes back to the north pole where he makes elves work 364 days a year......they need to get a union up there. And we're oddly OK with him harboring these mystical brainwashed elves as slaves to make toys for the homosapien.
We also know the Easter Bunny teaches children about Jesus Christ's craving for chocolate eggs....which we all know is the real reason he rose from the dead.
But the tooth fairy, we know nothing beyond her taking our teeth.
What is she doing with our teeth? Making bracelets out of them?......."Here wear this if you support tooth decay".
I just find it strange that there could be some mythical creature out there in a dark cabin surrounded by other people's teeth.....like we never ask what the tooth fairy's doing after she gets the tooth.
For all we know, our teeth could be crushed down to a powder like substance that makes magical carpets fly and now we all support terrorism.
That's right, since Osama Bin Laden has been dead, they've been using magical carpets to fly into buildings but with little success.
It's just annoying now because someone has to sit beside that window with the silver lining cracked glass.
I don't know, I could be wrong about this but I do know that during the middle ages in England, children were instructed to burn their baby teeth so they wouldn't spend eternity looking for them in the afterlife.....oh yes because God can do everything but give you your baby teeth, his only weakness and why do you need baby teeth in heaven when you have adult teeth?
So you can see (sorry blind people), this is why we don't do the tooth fairy in our household, instead we make it more realistic.
You lose a tooth, we congratulate you and then you go back to work. It's akin to the same meaningfulness when your boss does it to you when you turn in those reports.
This way, our child has no expectations but if your family wants to still continue the tradition, you can make it realistic by doing this.
Child loses tooth, imaginary tooth fairy comes and gives the child imaginary money.
Author - Scott Kelley
Need to laugh at life's audacities? You've come to the right place here at "The Town Crier". No topic is safe and everything will be mocked.