Iowa – Congress, NASA, NATO and other high ranking individuals around the world got together yesterday and have deemed that the moon is offensive. Demolition of the moon is scheduled to happen sometime this summer. This comes from a response from sensitive college students with ongoing acme issues that have been called “Crater Face”. They felt that if the moon would go away, no one would be able to use the craters of the moon to describe their embarrassing acme issues.
Many have questioned as to why the biggest leaders of the world would agree to the demolition of the moon.
“We were just trying to save face” said one Attorney General.
“Listen, these kids today go through so much stuff like failed selfies to constantly being bombarded by cute kitten videos to having people just give them what they want all the time….they just need a safe space because words can hurt. God forbid they ever read a dictionary, they would just crumble if they knew what kinds of words were in there” said Vladimir Puttin.
However, the people that will be most affected by the demolition of the moon are werewolves.
“If you take away the moon, you take away my identity, I thought political correctness was against taking away others identities through harm to others?” said Don Lyken (assumed werewolf).
In response to this, one of the sensitive college students made a comment.
“What? Theirs werewolves?” said Lauren Colley (super sensitive student).
No more will werewolves be able to transform from human to wolf nor will they be able to howl at the moon. Instead, they will stay in human form and pretend to howl out at moon pictures online like a rabid dog of their former selves.
The only other dire consequences from demolishing the moon is that the churning of the oceans and circulation of nutrients ceases, water based life struggle to survive and millions of species go extinct. Earth will change rotation and wobble causing our seasons to go into turmoil and the earth will now swing around the sun in a wild, unstable and fluctuating orbit.
“But at least everyone will be safer now” said Jake McCuthery (extremely sensitive student).
Please share this story with any of your sensitive politically correct friends or family.
Author - Scott Kelley
Need to laugh at life's audacities? You've come to the right place here at "The Town Crier". No topic is safe and everything will be mocked.