In this section, we will teach you how to talk like a rich elitist when eating out at fancy restaurants like “Eat’N Park” or “Denny’s” with your friends.
In fact, they’ll be so impressed with your rich elitist sentences, they’ll think, wow, he talks like an out of touch American.
We won’t go too overboard though, we don’t want to give your friends the impression that you can only exclusively eat at fancy big name restaurants like “Olive Garden”.
So for this lesson, let’s start off with some basic rich elitist sentences and I’ll break them down for you one by one.
Rich Elitist Sentence 1
“Nancy, did you know I’m going to impregnate my gondola tomorrow?”
Translation: “Nancy, did you know I’m going to submerge my boat tomorrow?”
Rich Elitist Sentence 2
I don’t know about you but I’m poised to rip into this delectable repast
Translation: “I don’t know about you but I’m going to rip into this delicious meal”
Rich Elitist Sentence 3
“Fred, did I tell you that my manservant lassoed his yoke in the vim put-put that I keep outside by the lagoon?”
Translation: “Fred, did I tell you that my butler caught his zipper in the steam engine that I keep outside by the pool?”
Rich Elitist Sentence 4
“Fledgling buck, can I get the poltroon lambaste aboriginal American with a dash of alloy on the skirting?”
Translation: “Young boy, can I get the chicken roasted Indian with a dash of soup on the side?”
Rich Elitist Sentence 5
“Margaret, did you know our deaf handyman gesticulated that he was busy cleaning a ramrod, ballcock and nipple when a titmouse startled him and he pricked a digit?”
Translation: “Margaret, did you know our deaf handyman made gestures while he was busy cleaning a ramrod, ballcock and nipple when a bird startled him and he pricked his finger?”
Rich Elitist Sentence 6
“Andrew got scared by a croaker frisking across my navel”
Translation: “Andrew got scared by a frog leaping across my navel”
Rich Elitist Sentence 7
“A peacock dribbled pungent onto my udder”
Translation: “A peacock spit acid onto my nipple”
Rich Elitist Sentence 8
“Did you fathom that windjammer paraded his pussy in a nursery down on main street?
Translation: “Did you know that a sailor showed his cat in a garden down on main street?”
Rich Elitist Sentence 9
“I construe that a mouthpiece furnished a serpent by a hatchback with a note that construed, “My impecunious stool pigeon bugbear your bowels”
Translation: “I read that a lawyer hung a snake by a car with a note that read, “My poor rat hates your guts”.
Rich Elitist Sentence 10
“That is very humdinger, would you imbibe on my coccyx later tonight?”
Translation: “That is very funny, would you suck on my tailbone later tonight?”
There you have it. Now start memorizing these rich elitist sentences and start impressing your friends to the point that you can easily herd the crowd of true friends who still want to be around you.
I'm 29 years old and today I lost a dear friend of mine. We have been friends since I was a kid and it continued into adult hood. My imaginary friend "Marco" died suddenly last night when my wife told me to grow up.
We will be having a closed casket funeral for him later this week at an imaginary location followed by imaginary refreshments at my place.
Also, apparently insurance policies don't cover imaginary friends. I'm in a real jam and would appreciate anything you can give that can actually be held in my hand, go in my wallet, has a president on it and can be used in any store to cover the costs of the funeral.
And if you tell one friend and they give and they tell another friend they also give and so on and so on. I will be able to afford this funeral bill.
Basically, you can write this off on your taxes in the donation part and get what you give back. So really, what's stopping you from giving more?
Once I have enough funds from your kind donations. I will be creating a foundation for people who have lost "Imaginary Friends" in hopes that we can find them or eradicate adulthood.
Once this foundation has been put in place. Each person that gives will be in charge of their own city district where it's their responsibility to recruit more members to donate. I know this sounds like a "Pyramid Scheme" but it's not. In fact, no "Pyramids" are involved whatsoever.
So please, donate now www.imaginaryfriendsforlife.com or call this number 1-800-782-5378.
(Bank You Got Screwed By)
Dear Mr. Zimmerman,
We wanted to thank you for putting $12,000 into a savings account at our bank. This monetary effort will help keep our ponzi scheme going and for that we are forever grateful. If you would by chance want to take all your money out…..well you can’t you see….let me break it down to you. Theirs a fee for canceling your account with us that’s $3,000 and then theirs a fee for withdrawing your money at around $2,000, then there’s a fee to send your money back to you at around $2,000. Then our staff gets cranky doing all this paper work and for that it will cost you $3,000. Finally, we would like to come in person to shake your hand for doing business with us and that will cost you $2,000. So if you’ve added it all up, that’s $12,000 right there……you’re better off staying with us.
Brian Fetters (Bank Owner)
Author - Scott Kelley
Need to laugh at life's audacities? You've come to the right place here at "The Town Crier". No topic is safe and everything will be mocked.