Michigan – Jonathan Kling lost his gift receipt for his khaki pants he got from his in-laws on Christmas night. Jonathan Kling did not like the khaki pants and wanted them returned. Jonathan Kling said he looked very hard one time with an eye glance in the gift box they came in and gave up.
It wasn’t until Jonathan Kling reluctantly wore the khaki pants at the urging of his wife that he found the gift receipt in the pocket. Feeling elated, he promptly ripped them off but then noticed the gift receipt was dated “2” years ago and these khaki pants were re-gifted by his in-laws.
Philadelphia, PA – Phillip Deckland (17) has transformed his body from overweight teenager into a Hollywood beach body by using the new dieting fad called “Crushing Puss”. This new fad is mostly for teenagers that see attractive women but because of their oversize weight, the attractive women don’t see them. This causes them to discover that it’s because of the athletic men in the school that are taking away all the attractive women with their circular pocket patch rumbles on their stomach and their almost mentally challenged demeanor masked by an athletic performance so no one will know attitude.
Upon realizing this, Phillip Deckland dropped from 325 pounds to 185 pounds, honor student to academically impaired and began using “No one understands me because I have a perfect body and a tiny mind full of riddles” mystique about himself that high school girls find attractive and to a lesser extent, some adult women.
Since then, his family has seen a decline in his participation with their family movie nights. Grace Deckland (mother) sat down with her son to discuss if it’s something they did wrong but her son (Phillip) told her that he’s just too busy anymore crushing pussy.
“I thought my son was out for all hours of the night killing cats and I raised a murderer but only to find out that “Crushing Pussy” means to have sex a lot” – said Grace Deckland.
Bob Deckland (father) is not concerned and is in fact jealous.
“I crushed one puss and I married it, I thought that was how it worked with your sister” – said Bob Deckland.
If you liked this article, we would like to encourage you to read the sequel to this called “College, none of this shit matters”.
Author - Scott Kelley
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