Caught Serial Killer Donates Wardrobe To Salvation Army, Has A Gut Feeling He Won’t Be Needing Them Anymore
Wisconsin – Jonathan Barlow is a convicted serial killer in the state of Wisconsin from the small town of Aurora. He murdered several men and women over a span of 2 weeks but he will be most remembered for his kind gesture. After receiving a life sentence, Jonathan Barlow contacted his lawyer and told him to donate all of his clothes to the Salvation Army because he had a hunch he’ll never need them again.
“If he didn’t murder lots of people, he seemed like a stand up guy” said Eric Moore (Jonathan Barlow’s attorney).
Several days passed and his lawyer arranged for a few volunteers to go into Jonathan Barlow’s house to retrieve his wardrobe and take it to the Salvation Army as his client requested. However, upon entering Jonathan Barlow’s home, they were not greeted with a dirty house full of blood smears, day old pancakes or satanic imagery.
“It was really quaint, in fact, one could call this home if it weren’t for it belonging to a serial killer” said Mark Ravage (volunteer).
As they searched the house, the volunteers stumbled into the living room where they found Jonathan Barlow’s DVD collection awe-inspiring.
“He was a great collector of some classic movies, I could see us kicking back a cold one and enjoying some of these…..but unfortunately, he was also a collector of human bodies, so that will never happen” said Stacy Collinger (volunteer).
As the volunteers ventured further into Jonathan Barlow’s house, they came across an Atari 2600.
“It’s like we were separated at birth, I have so much in common with this guy….well, besides the killing part” said Drew Darby (volunteer).
Eventually, the volunteers made their way into the bedroom and that’s when one of the volunteers saw the most horrific thing imaginable.
“Who would let a 1959 Cherry Sunburst Gibson Les Paul rot away inside a bedroom closet?....you just don’t do that…today, I lost all respect for Jonathan Barlow” said Ron Akers (volunteer).
Neighbors of Jonathan Barlow were shocked to find out he was a serial killer as well, simply because he was so nice and willing to help out his fellow neighbors at any time.
“He helped my husband build a patio deck but when the project was finished, my husband went missing. Poor Jonathan, he tried so hard to help me find him but the search continues,” said Brittany Newers (neighbor).
“I remember I wanted to install a new washer but Jonathan explained to me why it wouldn’t fit, it was like he knew the layout of my house but this is also the day my wife went missing,” said Tim Chippers (neighbor).
It would seem that Jonathan Barlow was in fact loved by so many and one could question as to why a normal man would commit such a heinous crime. Regardless, take this story as a warning, you truly never know someone until you’re gagged and tied up in their basement.
Here’s a list of things you should never say to a police officer for fun no matter what the situation is.
1. Never say this when walking up to a police officer
“ Can you hold this knife for me, it’s only been used once? God rest his soul.”
2. Never say this when an officer walks up to you.
“Well great, now that you’re here, this deal isn’t happening at all now.”
3. Never say this to an officer during a DUI check when they tell you to walk a line.
“Can I snort it instead?”
4. Never say this to an officer when being pulled over for speeding.
“I’m glad you’re only pulling me over for a speeding violation, I thought it was because of what I have in my trunk.”
5. Never say this when an officer wants to know what you have on your person.
“Slavery’s over, I don’t own a person.”
6. Never say this when an officer say’s “Hello” to you.
“Ohhhhhhh crap, he’s onto me (start running away).”
7. Never say this when an officer tells you the park is closed.
“I’m not harming anyone officer, I’m just finding the perfect spot to pick up a child tomorrow aaaaand I got it, have a great night.”
8. Never say this to an officer when going through the metal detector at the local courthouse.
“I thought about brining my unlicensed AK-47 in as a scare tactic if things don’t go in my favor but then I took my meds and realized, that’s such a silly idea….I’ll just call in a fake bomb threat like any normal citizen would do.”
9. Never say this to an officer when giving a detailed report of what you saw at a crime scene.
“I’m telling you, it’s a guy that looks like me but isn’t me.”
10. Never say this to an officer when they ask you about your whereabouts.
“I usually wear jeans and a t-shirt but thanks for noticing.”
Here we are in 2015 and these laws still exist. Some of them may sound crazy but they are real laws. Have fun reading these.
1. Police are allowed to bite a dog if they think it will calm the dog (Ohio).....I wonder why this is never used as often as it should be?
2.Bear wrestling matches are prohibited (Alabama).....this sounds dangerous but exciting at the same time.
3. Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue (Pennsylvania).....I can't tell you how many times I've done this.
4. A motorist with criminal intentions must stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town (Washington)......a full proof plan to catch criminals off guard, I hope it works out for them.
5. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling (Pennsylvania).....this had to have been made up by a man, anyone else think so?
6. It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church (Alabama).....oh boy, what a trouble maker you are, I bet you're going to hell.
7. It’s against the law for a woman to drive a car in Main Street unless her husband is walking in front of the car waving a red flag (Virginia).....I bet this was a law by auto insurances as a way to lower the rates if you add your wife to the policy.
8. It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel (Pennsylvania).....I'd be more worried about the cycles syncing up and this house being one big giant estrogen storm.
9. You can be arrested or fined for harassing Bigfoot (Washington).....I bet this law gets broken all the time.
10. It is illegal to milk another person’s cow.(Texas).....don't you touch my mother and stop calling her a cow.
11. A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed (Texas)....another full proof plan to stop crime.
12. You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time (Alabama).....is that an ice cream cone in your back pocket or are you just gay?
13. It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine (Arizona)......sooo, real cocaine is OK?
14. A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month (Arkansas).....this sounds more like a Pennsylvania law.
15. Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool (California).....this just makes so much sense.
16. Throwing missiles at cars is illegal (Colorado).....yes, because that's exactly how they work.
17. It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday (Conneticut).....more of a reason you need to have that love cushion on the side.
18. It is considered an offense to shower naked (Florida).....is there any other way?
19. One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth (Illinois)……this obviously happened so often that it had to be turned into a law which is disturbing.
20. Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds (Idaho)…..it’s a law only to save the lives of many men from being a victim of “I’m overweight because of all that chocolate” abuse.
21. The value of Pi is 3 (Indiana)…..isn’t it 3.14? No, not here, it’s just “3”.
22. The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire (Iowa)…..Gee, we’re sorry your house burnt down mister but we had to practice before coming, it’s the law and all.
23. Dogs may not molest cars (Kentucy)…..good luck enforcing this one, ugghh, it’s Kentucky for crying out loud.
24. It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol (Louisiana)…..if robbing a bank wasn't enough, now you're going and getting someone all wet. They should rot in prison for that last piece.
25. It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies (Maryland)….people have obviously tried this for why it’s a law, which makes it even more scarier.
26. It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house (Michigan)….Your honor, I was trying to steal the flatscreen TV but there carpet had a raised indent and I fell with the TV landing on my leg, breaking it. I was forced to eat their food and wait for an ambulance to come to someone else’s house like a caged animal.
27. Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely (Missourri)…..this seems backwards?
28. Worrying squirrels will not be tolerated (Montana)…..umm, how can you tell if a squirrel is worried?
29. Persons with gonorrhea may not marry (Nebraska)…..ohh come on, that’s an easy cop out.
30. It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs (West Virginia)…..honestly, this makes sense with the state this law is from.
31. Birds have the right of way on all highways (Utah)…..I can see this getting confusing.
32. If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property you may shoot them (South Dakota)......don't worry about this one, we took their land and reserved a space for them on it, they shouldn't be bothering you anytime soon.
33. A person must be eighteen years old to play a pinball machine (South Carolina)…..yeah, cause you know, that’s only an adult thing to do.
34. Idiots may not vote (New Mexico)……uhh, like the person that came up with this law?
There you have it. Some of the dumbest laws that are still enacted in the United States. Go out and have fun committing some of these.
Some people out there think being in a gang is a tough macho thing and there's no other option to live your life.....you couldn't be more wrong (Where's Waldo Quote).
Instead of causing real violence and hatred and forever perpetuating this nonsense, pick up a modern role-playing game and start turf wars on there.
It's safer and you don't have to go to jail and sit beside a guy named "bubba" who eyes you up each time you drop your pants to make a rocky mountain mud slide.
Don't think there's a common denominator between role-playing and real life gangs?
To prove you wrong, let me break some stuff down for you.
Did you know there are a lot of similarities between Bloods & Crips and World of Warcraft?
Crips colors are blue, Bloods are red
In World of Warcraft….Alliance is blue, Hordes are red.
In World of Warcraft, the Alliance and Horde are killing each other to be the king of online role-playing.
Crips & Bloods are killing each other to see whose king of a block.
Crips & Bloods are always claiming their from the CPT.
World of Warcraft players are always claiming their from an ISP.
In World of Warcraft, don’t get caught in the wrong territory or else there’s consequences to pay.
In Bloods & Crips, don’t get caught in the wrong territory or else....do I even need to finish that sentence?
World of Warcraft has dealers that can get you what you want.
Bloods & Crips also have dealers that can get you what you want, the only difference here is, there's no "X" button to hit to make a purchase.
In World of Warcraft, people will talk about your epic exploits around campfire tales and will fear you.
In Bloods & Crips, people will talk about you chopping a body up and will not want to go near you.
The creation of Bloods & Crips was partly due to the killings of MLK and Malcom X by the hands of white people.
World of Warcraft is created by.....mostly white people.
In the end, gangs are nothing more than realistic role playing games.
So if you wanna be a gangster, pick up "Grand Theft Auto" and trash talk an 8 year old boy who knows how to run a gang more effectively than you do.
In December of 2013, an Oklahoma man named Brad Davis killed his step dad using the age old classic.....an atomic wedgie.
I'll pause to let that sink in.....atomic wedgie.
The one thing I wanna know is, what brand of underwear was the guy using because I rip mine all the time. Even doing simple things like bending over or putting them on. I've even caught myself saying this statement out loud as I've ripped them, "two legs don't go in on one side, come on, you idiot".
Brad Davis did indeed kill a man by using the most well known killing stealth mode one could ever use and that's an atomic wedgie.
Brad Davis killed his step dad because his step dad called his mother some mean names like "her real name", "you sure are amazing" & "thanks for dinner".
Brad Davis (step son) was 33 years old, which begs the question, was this pre-meditated?
I can see hitting the step dad with a baseball bat or another object near by but the atomic wedgie? That guy knew what he was grabbing for.
The step dad probably did this to his step son and embarrassed him when he was young, all while, the step son waited for the right time to get revenge and tarnish the legacy of his step dad.
Think about it, even if his step dad was the guy that cured cancer, after dying from an atomic wedgie, he will now only be known as the guy that died from an atomic wedgie......that's a full proof way to taint a mans legacy.
Some of you may be wondering how did the step son do this with a sober human being? The step dad was so inebriated that he didn't see it coming until he could smell his underwear suffocating his mouth and shit was the last thing he saw.
This story does have a moral lesson.
Parents, at a certain age, you just need to kick your children out of the house or else this could happen to you.
If you want to read the actual article on this click here....wikipedia. Basically, our government did an operation that allowed 2,000 guns into the Mexican Cartel's hands in hopes of tracking them down with GPS units attached inside the guns. The Mexican government did not know about this and this is my breakdown of the operation named "Fast and Furious".
1. A code name for a busted operation named "Fast and Furious"...the title alone should have been a red flag because nothing was fast and furious about this operation.
2. Our government went to Radioshack to buy GPS units...you think the salesclerk thought something was off when they put in an order for 2,000 GPS units. Also, why wouldn't we use or own governments longer lasting GPS batteries? If they knew the operation was going to take awhile, they should have also known that the life of a general Radioshack GPS battery isn't that long especially in constant use. I guess it's not logical to entrust your handler to charge the guns before selling them and giving clear instructions to the cartel that they need to charge the guns for 8 hours or else the battery life will drain.
3. Mexico didn't know about this operation and why didn't they?...maybe it's because of this notion...."Should we tell Mexico"..."Nah, we're sending in 2,000 guns equipped with Radioshack GPS units in them and these guns could potentially kill Mexican law officials or worse civilians and in small cases...border patrol people and some of our agents"..."This sounds dangerous"..."It's only dangerous if it doesn't work"..."What's the percentage on that"..."Just sign and approve here and here and we'll let you know about those statistics later"..."Ohh okay".
4. Why did we need to track the guns...did we not know who the cartel are? The cartel is a huge organization that is becoming the number one gang related problem in the U.S. and around the world. We can spot someone named Assad Numadir planting in his garden from another country but we're a little fuzzy who the enforcers are, the locations and the people in the cartel that we need to track the guns. Hopefully, this is not true but it does give notion to the idea that we really don't know the cartel.unsuccessful. Even if the cartel was onto the fact that these guns don't work after so many rounds, you think you'd see some activity in the cartel to track down these guns and get rid of them, possibly exploiting some key members in the process but the GPS batteries died, the guns were real and innocent people died.
5. Why didn't we use guns that would fail after a hundred or so rounds? This technology has been around since the 60's and 70's and in fact was used in Vietnam. This would have been the safer bet to ensure lives would not have been lost but Radioshack was out of the guns that pop out the flag saying "BANG" so we opted for the real deal...Now what's the worst that could have happened with guns that fail after so many rounds? Operation unsuccessful, what is this operation now, unsuccessful, what is this operation now, unsuccessful. Even if the cartel was onto the fact that these guns don't work after so many rounds, you think you'd see some activity in the cartel to track down these guns and get rid of them, possibly exploiting some key members in the process but the GPS batteries died, the guns were real and innocent people died.
6. There has been deaths of our own agents/people because of this operation. Why hasn't anyone been accounted for with this operation. If a normal citizen ran this operation, someone would have been held accountable for it and the news would talk about this person and it's failed operation would be on daily until this person went to jail, lost their job, ect. However, when you're someone deep within the confines of the government, screwing up this bad is a slap on the wrist, hush hush, move on with our lives event. Watergate was a big deal but this isn't?
7. The "Fast and Furious" operation is exactly what the news networks did with this, meaning, it broke fast and the networks that did air this story we're furious about it but then it quickly went away. I have been telling people about this so more people are aware and that hopefully someone is held accountable for the deaths of our own people and the horrible planning of this operation.
Now, yes, I had humor in this but I'm very much irked, disappointed and let down by our governments rash decision to do an operation that was fully not planned out. The lack of accountability alone is a disgrace and yet not many Americans know about this incident like I didn't until days ago.
We're all familiar with the Trayvon/George Zimmerman case by now. Just in case you live under a rock, here's the brief synopsis. George Zimmerman (White Hispanic Male) who was in a Neighborhood Watch program, was following Trayvon Martin (Black Male) because he was acting suspicious. George Zimmerman called the police and told them this and when the police arrived on the scene, Trayvon Martin was already shot and killed. George Zimmerman claimed it was self-defense and nothing more. The police let him go on the grounds of Florida states "stand your ground law".
However, George Zimmerman stood his ground but now he has to pay for it. How that came about is amazing. Now, no new evidence was found but....instead special interest groups and media outcry were able to get the justice system to change their mind and charge him with 2nd degree murder.....but why should we stop there, let's prosecute people of the past that have stood there ground but those scoundrel's got away with it. Here's a list to prosecute by
1. White men landing in Africa: White men stood their ground because those people of different color came at them with handshakes and sticks. So white men did what anyone would have done in that situation, enslave a nation and feel bad about it later.
2. White men landing in America: White men stood their ground because those people in animal skins came at us with handshakes and sticks. White men could have at least called squatter's rights. Instead, they obliterated their people and the ones still alive were given their own land called "reservations".
3. White men crucifying Jesus: White men stood their ground because a bearded man with carpentry skills preached peace and unity. Truly disgusting, where's my hammer and cross
4. White men killing those who did not follow Roman Catholicism: White men stood their ground when other's just thought it wasn't for them. Even though, thou shall not kill was a commandment, they didn't get the memo.
5. White men murdering millions of Jews: White men stood their ground when these people lit 8 candles, spun a dreidel, and shouted mazel tov because who does that? It's not like some kind of God gave us free will or anything like that.
As you can see, we have a pattern here. White men are inherently racist, evil, murdering scums of society. We need to prosecute all of them. In fact, I have already turned myself in. For what you may ask? Nothing yet, but I'm a white man, I'm sure I'll do something
Although, If I was George Zimmerman's attorney, I would pull out the "White Defense Strategy". This only happens when the accused (White) is judged by a jury of his peers (White) and the magistrate (White) gives the final decision (White Veto). The fundamentals of this strategy employs the pattern of repeat offense (See Above List - White men control and kill everything). Time will tell if this strategy will work, it may be difficult because he his "White Hispanic" but any bit of "White" in you helps. I'm SK Comedian saying as a white man, GO WHITE POWER, Ohhhhhh, that didn't sound right.
If you're an idiot and didn't guess my sarcasm in this concerning topics like our unfair justice system, how the justice system should have convicted him originally for his crime but the media had to get involved and that shouldn't have happened but since it did, why doesn't the media go after other things then, the blatant facts about white men throughout history, the fact that George Zimmerman is guilty and some media outlets making it sound like white people are all racist. If you understood all that originally, then pat yourself on the back, if not, you're the racist people i'm talking about in this.
Author - Scott Kelley
Need to laugh at life's audacities? You've come to the right place here at "The Town Crier". No topic is safe and everything will be mocked.